FRYday : Nicole

Those of you who know me personally, and maybe some of you who don’t, know that our little family has been learning quite a lot about addiction over the last few years. We’ve seen it in all stages, and felt just about every emotion as we have been in the midst of it. Some days I can stare it bravely in the face, and others, I feel hopeless want to hide and let it win. I have to be honest, most days, it’s the latter.


But on both of these kinds of days, I have to sit back and say to myself, “you can’t control this.” Like a lot of things in life, addiction of a loved one is out of our control. And sadly, but in reality in some ways, out of the addict’s control too. I like to be in control, don’t we all? Its been super hard to grasp this idea that I am powerless. But when I learned this, things changed for me.

Regardless of where my family is at in this recovery, and despite the outcome, I am grateful to have this opportunity to learn about this disease. Wow, it is prevalent in our world! Now you may wonder why I’m wasting my breath, and I’m certain there is a large portion of you who don’t feel the need to be enlightened, and that’s perfectly fine! But there is also a another portion of us who are dealing with it first hand, or know someone that is. I know that the more light we can bring to this topic, the more likely our struggling loved ones are to get help.

Why is this written on a children’s blog? I would have asked the EXACT same question before this struck our family. But let me tell you, the most important thing I’ve learned thus far in my husband’s recovery, is that it GREATLY impacts our children.

One of the leading players in addiction is shaming. I’ve heard countless addicts talk about being shamed as a child. A lot of the time, in mild criticizing, and many times, completely innocently by the parents. But these are things that stuck with these children throughout their life and caused them feel less than, worthless and have a lack of hope, and in result, turned to things that can cause addictive habits. I’m as guilty as anyone. But I feel that learning this lesson early in my children’s life is one of the most beneficial things I’ve ever been taught. As a 4 year old, your mistakes are small and simple, (although sometimes they seem to be the end of the world, when our couch or rug is ruined because of a accidental spill). As they grow, their mistakes may be more substantial, and sometimes even occur out of rebellion. In any case, shaming them for wrong doings will cause damage that sometimes is irreparable. Instead of shaming, there are healthy ways to help children learn from their mistakes, without bringing them to such a low place and causing these emotional wounds. I’ve decided as a mother to constantly build them up, and help them feel valuable and important, always. When mistakes are made, they already feel sad enough. As humans, we have guilt built into us, our conscience, and we know what we have done is wrong.

Now, I’ve also learned that addiction is a life long disease that cannot be cured. But I do know people can overcome it and be in remission, sometimes forever! I don’t know what this will mean for my family tomorrow, or in a year from now. But the lessons I’ve learned have changed ME and will change the life of people around me permanently, especially my children and how I treat them.

If you are in as great need as I was to learn more about Addiction Recovery, I have found this resource to be the most wonderful and beneficial to me.



Read Nicole’s brave first post about addiction right here.


  1. Ashley C:
    on March 21, 2014 at 8:14 am said:

    Nicole I just love you so much for this post and for your candidness. You’re a pillar of strength. I’m so grateful for your beautiful and honest perspective. Xoxox

  2. on March 21, 2014 at 8:15 am said:

    Your post is one of the reasons I like smallfry.its real.its lighthearted but it’s serious too.i don’t know you or what you are going through but I hope it gets better for you.although addiction has not personally occurred in my family things in my husbands upbringing ring true in the words you wrote on how a child can be made to feel.i apply great care to ensure this does not follow into another generation as does he, we must give our children all we can to survive later in life.thank you for your honest and brave

  3. on March 21, 2014 at 8:27 am said:

    I love your honesty and courage to talk about something that is so difficult at time to bear. This post hits close to home…and your strength and the light you shine inspires me! Thanks for being raw and true, you are amazing.

  4. on March 21, 2014 at 9:35 am said:

    Nicole..sending you healing thoughts and good karma. My husband has been sober for 25 years and was when I met him 20 years ago. I remember celebrating 5 years as a milestone. Time does heal and you will be a better person because of it. Stay strong. xoxo

  5. on March 21, 2014 at 10:52 am said:

    What a heartfelt message. This has been my goal in life, what you said here: “I’ve decided as a mother to constantly build them up, and help them feel valuable and important, always.” I’d love if you share more specific examples of what you’ve learned so we can make sure we aren’t inadvertently doing these things. Checking out the link you mentioned.

    • Nicole:
      on March 21, 2014 at 10:20 pm said:

      Thank you so much for your sweet comment and validation ❤️

  6. Taryn:
    on March 21, 2014 at 11:40 am said:

    Thank-you for sharing Nicole. How very brave of you. I imagine your family and friends must be very proud. I am positive that in sharing this raw side of your family life, you have been able to support someone in a similar situation, like you said, it is so very prevalent. I wish you all the best.


    • Nicole:
      on March 21, 2014 at 10:19 pm said:

      Thank you so much for commenting. I learn of more and more people struggling with this everyday. I wish nothing more than to shine light on it so people know it’s okay to get help! Let’s all make it happen!

  7. on March 21, 2014 at 12:20 pm said:

    thanks for sharing your story and strength! You are such a good momma and inspiring to many! xo

    • Nicole:
      on March 21, 2014 at 10:18 pm said:

      Liz! Thank you ❤️

  8. Rachel Hagen:
    on March 21, 2014 at 2:51 pm said:

    Beautiful post, Nicole. Thanks so much for sharing. Great, great reminder!!

    • Nicole:
      on March 21, 2014 at 10:18 pm said:

      Thank you Rach, love you!

  9. elizabeth:
    on March 21, 2014 at 9:26 pm said:

    I know it isn’t easy, but I think you’re doing a great job. Take it one day at a time; it is important to remember it’s a lifelong disease. You’re a great mama.

    • Nicole:
      on March 21, 2014 at 10:17 pm said:

      Thank you so much for reading and for hour comment. It means so much.

  10. Britnee:
    on March 21, 2014 at 9:52 pm said:

    I know it probably doesn’t mean much, but I am so proud of you. I remember the first time you called me & how new this all was! You have grown so much & are sharing your strength with so many!!! Addiction is brutal! You come out of it a different person… The biggest thing I have to remind myself is that I get to decide what kind of person I become. That is something the disease can’t take from me. Hang in there & know you are not alone!

    • Nicole:
      on March 21, 2014 at 10:17 pm said:

      Britnee thank you! That means so so so much. I remember that phone call clearly. I think I’ve learned a lot, but I still feel so confused an hopeless so much of the time. You are such an inspiration. Thank you for reading and for leaving this comment.

  11. Sarah Tyau:
    on March 21, 2014 at 11:18 pm said:

    you are so strong. and such a wonderful mom. your boys are so lucky to have you as their mother! I could definitely do better in trying to always build them up, thanks for the reminder. I will pray for you and your beautiful family Nicole. hang in there.

  12. on March 22, 2014 at 3:37 pm said:

    Oh, sister friend, so proud to read this, and more to have watched you become more and more brave and graceful. Dash and sunny are in good hands with parents who love them fiercely.

  13. Ani:
    on March 22, 2014 at 10:38 pm said:

    Stay Strong Nicole, I know how scary things will seem at times with this addiction… but don’t loose yourself in it. I wish I could say things will be okay soon, but that would be a lie. For me this addiction taught me a new meaning in life, a new way to see things, but after all that journey in my life taught me that I was stronger then I ever thought I was. If you ever need anything please don’t hesitate to reach out.

  14. on March 23, 2014 at 7:28 am said:

    Thank you so much for sharing – telling your story and your struggles so openly it the exact opposite of the shaming you talked about, and so inspiring. I hope you can find strength in yourself and your family in this difficult time, and you should know that other then your friends and family you have a lot of not-so-familiar faces cheering you on behind these screens.

  15. Lee:
    on March 23, 2014 at 3:58 pm said:

    This is going to sound so cliche but I needed to hear this today. I have been married for almost 10 years, we have three beautiful children and I have been dealing with my husbands alcohol problem for 8 years of our marriage. I have suffered from sever depression because of it and have done the same things you have, fought and struggled to keep this dream of a family of mine together.

    It at times has drained me and other times been my greatest strength. Today I am drained, sad and tears have come easy. I don’t have many friends who understand my struggle so today I needed this. I needed to hear that someone else is fighting against the same thing. I don’t know if I’ll beat this at this time or if I even want to try again, but your post reminded me about whats post important. My children. Thank you for such a brave post. All my best wishes, thoughts, love and prayers go to your family at this time. xoxo

  16. on March 23, 2014 at 7:33 pm said:

    Addiction sucks. My brother has been an addict for half of his life. I know my mom has wondered, and will wonder, what happened. Three children, exact same environment…. And one ends up a drug addict? I worry for my children now because of it. And, it all feels terribly hopeless at times. You are shining a right light on a very dark demon. Thank you for being candid and honest. You and your family are in my prayers!

  17. Molly:
    on March 23, 2014 at 9:25 pm said:

    You are a beautiful soul, Nicole! …And a beautiful woman, wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend, & role model. Thank you for being BRAVE, and for sharing your story. I recently read this quote by Maya Angelou, and thought of you: “Courage is the most important of all the virtues, because without courage you can’t practice any other virtue consistently. You can practice any virtue erratically, but nothing consistently without courage.” Life can be so hard, this I know… We must “just keep swimming” and move forward with faith, which isn’t always a piece of cake. You and yours will be in hearts and prayers. You are admired. XO

  18. Daralyn:
    on April 3, 2014 at 12:21 pm said:

    I do not know you personally, but follow your blog and Instagram pictures (we have mutual friends but not sure who). I have always been an admirer of how put together, happy and bright your posts are. To learn what you are going thru makes me (who isn’t nearly as put together or bright!) and likely others too, just applaud you for your grace, for the love you have for your family and for your honesty. It can’t be easy. Sending you lots of love and strength. Thank you for putting a personal face on this difficult time.

  19. mandie:
    on April 13, 2014 at 2:46 pm said:

    your first post in December 2012 was strength, light and the knowledge I was searching for then. our Lord and Savior is our continuing light, day in and day out, when others don’t seem to be. i know you know this. and i’m glad you’ve found ARP. thank you for being my light again today. your strength will forever be honored.

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