Do you all remember this story from last year? Brandi was adopted and then was also blessed with the chance to adopt into her own little family!
A year later and our tribe has grown. Last year we were at the starting gate of our open-adoption, when we wrote this: An adoption story: Ebersole Tribe. Now we have a singing and dancing one year-old and two amazing birth parents who have both come to visit. As an adoptee this makes my heart sing.
Being a Korean adoptee, I haven’t had much connection to race or culture. I always wondered and dreamt of my own birth mother. I have tried to connect with her, but have been unsuccessful. Nonetheless, having an open adoption has given me a stronger identity and my hope is that it will redefine what it means to be an adoptee for my daughter.
Vera-lou’s birthmother, Mama T, as we call her, is a huge gift. She has given me a view into a part of my adoption story I wouldn’t ever have had. The birthmother’s perspective. She has allowed me to see first hand the pain of labor and the loss of leaving the hospital empty-handed. This whole year she’s allowed me in on some of her grief. She’s given me a deeper respect and admiration for my own birth mother. Sometimes it’s hard, to watch her. Like when she came to visit, knowing the courage and love it took to come see us. Then the pain, she experienced during her visit. As it was really the only space she had to truly process and celebrate her choice, since a large portion of her family still does not know about Vera-lou. It was beautiful to see Mama T, rejoice in the things she wouldn’t have been able to give Vera-lou and watching her soak in all the love people have for our little lady. Mama T is extraordinary and is also one of my favorite fellow adoptees. We love to share stories of growing up adopted and use our experiences to navigate our boundaries with each other for our sweet little lady.
We also had a great experience with Vera-lou’s birth-father, Padre J. This kind and sensitive young man, flew to visit us even though he had never met us. And when he met his birth daughter for the first time, she took his breath away and his eyes filled with tears. Padre J, played tirelessly on the floor with his Lou-lou girl and made her laugh like no other. He did his own processing while he was here and thanked us for giving Vera-lou such a lovely life. We dreamt together of what him being apart of our tribe will look like in the coming years and promised each other to always be honest and honor the boundaries established. It is encouraging to see how he desires to be involved in our baby’s life for this is often not the case. Padre J wants to know everything and loves to share her pictures with his family.
If you are considering adoption or in the waiting, it is easy to fear the unknowns. But from an adult adoptee, having an open adoption is a lot of work but the answers and identity you will give your child will be such a gift. It’s not always attainable but if it is be brave for your baby. Allow your heart to be open to help heal the loss your child will one day face. I cannot really predict what our open adoption will look like in twenty years. But we will let Vera-lou lead this open-adoption journey, for its about her. Both birth-parents know this and understand, we will continue to grow and live out this crazy adventure of the Ebersole Tribe.
For more of our journey please visit ebersoletribe.wordpress.org