5 Things to Say

Since we talked about Intense Kids things got actually a lot harder over here! I feel like I understand so much more of what my kiddo needs, but when you know better you have to do better, right? And it all just felt like SO much energy to keep things peaceful. And then you feel guilty because you’re spending all this extra time on this ONE kid when you have two other well behaved and deserving kids that need your love and attention, too! Not to mention sometimes you just don’t want to be on your A game all the time, you know?

HOW DO YOU BALANCE!? I don’t have answers but I am open to them! For now, my plan is to get him in his own weekly class that he enjoys, to set up weekly play dates swapping with his buddies so I can have some alone time with my other boys. Any tips from you guys out there?

Today’s topic is about crying, but really it’s about validating emotions. Validating emotions helps ALL of my kids, but especially my intense one. And I need a lot of practice. I wasn’t validated very much growing up, and I felt like my emotions were just not seen. Granted, a lot of times I didn’t even understand them, so how could I expect others too? But I felt so misunderstood and that I was getting in trouble all the time for things that I didn’t even mean. Reactions held a lot more weight then the reasoning or root behind them which I hated and also gives me so much insight as a parent now! I was pleading for someone to really see the pain behind my actions and reactions but didn’t know how to. I remember telling my mom when I was so frustrated that I wanted to scratch my skin off. It felt like it was crawling! Now as an adult I realize I panicking, feeling out of control, and didn’t even know what it was called.

Anyway, I am very quick to tell my kids to stop crying (when people say girls are more emotional, that is hard for me to believe. My big boys cry pretty much every day!) and that is the very perfect place to start validating. So if you do the same thing here are 5 things you can say instead of “STOP CRYING!” This list comes from Happiness is Here Blog, I’m just sharing part of her list, but you find all 10 items in her awesome article here!

5 Things to Say Instead of Stop CryingAnd even more options if it doesn’t stop via this article:

Drawing attention repeatedly back to the facts that are driving the upset:
10. You really wanted…that toy/some ice cream/daddy to stay home/to go to the park
11. That…dog/kid/ride/the way I shouted scared you.
12. Let’s have another look at your hurt…knee/finger/toe.

Holding a limit around the situation (and listening to the protests):
13. I can’t let you…go to that party/hit her/have that treat/play with my glasses.
14. I need you to…put your shoes on/finish your homework/get in the car now.

Reminding them of the hopeful perspective on the situation (and listening to their hopeless response):
15. You’ll get chocolate again soon
16. I know you’ll figure this all out.
17. Mom is coming back in an hour.
18. It won’t be like this forever.

Try to avoid:
Labelling feelings (“I see you are angry”)
Distracting them from feelings (“Shall we go and see what Daddy’s doing?”)
Fixing things (“I know you want ice cream, let’s go to the shop”)
Reasoning (“Well, you did have ice cream yesterday.”)
Making their feelings wrong through scolding/shaming/shushing (“What’s that awful noise you are making?”)
Rewards or punishments including threats/bribes/time out (“If you don’t stop that we’ll go home”)

I hope this helps! I know I will be referring to this list when my kids start to lose it! And if no one tells you today — you are an amazing parent. The fact that you seek out tips and tricks is proof of that. You are more than your child’s worst day, worst tantrum. We can always press the reset button, even in the middle of the day. Even at 9:30 in the morning. And one day you will look back at this time and laugh, or maybe cry. But not out of frustration, out of homesickness for the time your kids were small. At least that’s what the ladies in the grocery store line tell me. 😉



hair FAQs

This post has come at a high request so I am glad to finally have it ready to go today! Looking through it seems like a ridiculous amount of hair products, but this is over a week or more time span so I promise it’s not a high maintenance routine! I am the laziest!

It’s funny how when my hair was platinum I rarely if ever got questions about it (with the exception of who did the color) and as soon as I went darker it’s been insane. If you’re looking for a head of hair that people want to know about – get a mid length cut with some layers in front and have some dimension in your color. Ha!Small Fry Hair FAQ

  1. Who does your hair? My sister Bethany does my hair! Follow her on Instagram here! She works at Salon K in Provo Utah (801) 226-7985 and is incredibly talented and down to earth. You can sit in her chair for 4 hours and walk away looking and feeling great! I recommend her to anyone and everyone! She’s been working for probably 10 years by now and she slays blondes, pixie cuts, extensions, styling, a blowout that lasts a week and does the coolest braids and up-dos around. To name a few.

We worked on these two tutorial posts for girl’s hair ideas HERE and HERE and they both went viral. Her bang braid is my favorite tutorial ever and people die over it every time.  

2. What color is it? I went from several years at platinum blonde to something closer to my natural color. She left the blond highlights throughout, but more concentrated around my face since I wanted to still feel blonde. Obviously if you’re going from platinum to a darker color the color mix is going to be different but my hair is a level 5 in the back and 6 in front. And a 4 when I am pregnant!

3. How do you style it? So I wash it a couple times a week (after workouts normally, there’s no reviving post-High Fitness hair, nor would I want to because, gross) and let it AIR DRY. I haven’t used a blow dryer in years. I use this microfiber hair turban to get the moisture out quickly and without damage. I use this wide tooth comb as well! Everything else rips/breaks my hair!small fry hair FAQOnce it’s dry I’ll tease up a few pieces around the back crown with this teasing brush. It’s perfect for a slick high pony, parting hair and an all around must-have!! My hair has natural curl in the back, but the front pieces are stick straight. So I’ll put some curls through the sides and front and crown. I leave the back pieces in their natural curl. I use this 1 Inch Curl Bar. I bought it originally because I hate curling my hair (thick haired girls understand, my arm gets tired, ha!) and thought the angle would make it easier and it totally does!

Then I spray this Kristin Ess Working Texture Spray while I run my fingers through and separate the curls. If I want more grit and mess I’ll use her Beach Wave Spray. Or, this set has both products plus my favorite hair pin (I’ll put damp hair up in that and let it dry and it has crazy amazing volume! So pretty for little up-dos, too!) Then I finish it with this hair spray. It smells incredible and I have had this bottle for YEARS.

Overnight I’ll throw my hair up in a scrunchie at night to keep the volume up and oils from matting my hair down too much. Get them for cheap wherever. These are cute!

In between washes: on day two and three I usually need a little dry shampoo to get some volume back. My favorite ever got discontinued and then reformulated (never the same, Suave.) and I have tried and hated so many, but R+CO or Klorane are great options! I hate having dry feeling hair so to keep it soft on the off-days I use this Dry Bar Dry Conditioner and it makes my hair so freaking soft. NOTHING SMELLS BETTER, too. This one is heavier duty and worn at night!Small Fry Hair FAQ

4. What did you do to help post-platinum? After damaging my hair so much with bleach I took a break to focus on getting healthy, long hair back. So I wash with It’s a 10 Keratin Shampoo + Conditioner (I’m not seeing the size I have online, but you can buy it in a salon supply store!) take Biotin, throw a collagen peptide into my drink of water and do this hair mask maybe once or twice a month? You will freak out when you see how soft your hair is after using it. Mine never feels better!! Also, when I go into to see Bethany she’ll do an Olaplex hair mask as well!

Hopefully I got them all answered, let me know if not!




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Utah Metropolitan Ballet

Locals! I’ve got a fun event for you to bring your kids to this Saturday March 10th!The Utah Metropolitan Ballet is currently showing Peter Pan and they have matinees and evening performances all week long but after the Saturday Matinee they are holding a Neverland Party! It is an interactive adventure with Peter, Wendy, Captain Hook and the whole crew. Buy your ticket here!The Utah Metropolitan Ballet is over 35 years old and have been on the forefront of developing the arts and culture scene in Utah Valley. They perform classic favorites, original productions and are committed to offering roles to children (375 annually) who dream of being ballerinas and ballerinos.They also sponsor a free performance for families affected by autism and those working with the Women and Children in Crisis Center. It can be hard for kids to sit still during these types of performances and it is a non-judgement zone!

Supporting the arts is of huge importance to me, but even more so I want my kids to experience as much art and culture as they can! So grateful for places like UMB who create these experiences for us!

kid room make over

When the Novogratz team contacted me to work together I flipped out! I only bought two TV series on iTunes in my entire life, one was 9 By Design (the other was the Rachel Zoe Project.) I have loved the Novogratz family and their design firm for 10 years. It is eclectic modern done with so much joy each space I watched unfold would leave me jaw dropped. This is how I remember them but now they’re all so grown up. Novogratz FamilyAnd check out these kids names: Wolfgang, Holleder, Tallulah, Breaker, Robert (dad), and Five. Bottom row: Bellamy, Cortney (mom), and Major.

Anyway, they helped me revamp the big boys’ room since it hasn’t been touched in several years. We had iron bunkbeds originally that Russ sawed in half when the boys weren’t digging the bunk style anymore. So yeah, we needed something new for sure. Their new Addison line at Walmart is freaking affordable ($200 or less) and all Scandinavian inspired, so perfect for what we’re working on for our new house! Check it out!Kids Furniture Under $200

Headboard // Desk // Daybed // Nightstand // 6 Drawer Dresser // City Bookshelf //

We picked their wingback headboard for $55 for both their beds:Room Make over
I love the simple detailing of this bed. The wingbacks, the two panel natural wood with white on the bottom. Its so clean and streamlined.Kids Furniture Under $60 This wall stayed as is, I still love it and it fits this new room decor SO much better! Eyelashes // Ragamuffin Pennant // Wild and Free Banner // Yarn hanging // Boys portrait by Mer Mag. Kids Furniture Under $60 Rose gold cup // DIY notebookThese faux antlers are a funny story… I used to do visuals and merchandising at Gap for years and years. One day I was cleaning out the prop storage room when we stumbled on these antlers from Banana Republic who we shared the room with. I never yelled DIBS so fast, but I was beat out by my friend and photographer Matt Clayton. He had them for 10+ years when a few months ago he texted me and asked if I wanted them. DIBS! Kids Furniture Under $60I love that its so neutral you can add pops of color and have it still feel peaceful and minimal.Kids Furniture Under $60Its amazing how a few tweaks here and there with the new headboards, new comforter and sheets, they LIVE in this room now. They were so freaking happy and excited. I love kids, they make the small things so much better.

Kids Furniture Under $150

Metal Bed // TV Screen Pillows // White Bathroom Set // Matte Navy Bunkbeds // Bathroom Set // Border Pillows

And a few more I love!

Duvet Set

$260 Couch!!