Adoption: a word of advice

This submission is a little bit of a hoping to adopt story, and a little bit of a success story. Rachel is in the process of adopting a child in Ethiopia and shares a bit about what not to say to someone going through this process.

The other day, I had a pregnant friend tell me that I was doing it the easy way in referring to adoption. I know she wasn’t meaning to at all, but this truly hurt my feelings because she clearly doesn’t understand what I am facing. I simply said, ” I don’t know about that”, and I walked away trying to fight back tears. I am not pregnant and have never been pregnant, so I don’t feel like I really have the place to compare the two. We are hoping one day after we bring Baby Woodson home that I will be pregnant, and I will give you my thoughts. I think that no matter how you come to be a mother that there our challenges that you have to face. Though they may look different, it doesn’t mean that one way is easier than another.

waiting

I understand that I may not be experiencing morning sickness, and my feet aren’t swelling (even though they probably will on a 16-18 hour flight). I understand that my belly isn’t growing (well, maybe it is but that’s another issue entirely). However, I do know that it isn’t easy knowing that when your baby is first born, you won’t be there to hold him/her, or knowing that the first months of his/her life will probably not be what you would have planned for them if you were there. It isn’t easy knowing that you have no idea when you will be with your baby. There are many nights I cry in bed about this. If I could just know, I feel like it would be so much easier. I hate the thought of going to meet my baby and spending a week in Ethiopia, and then coming home without him/her until we get another court date. I don’t think a lot of people understand the love that we truly have for this child already. Sure, I may not feel them kicking, and I may not get to hear his/her heart beat, but it doesn’t make it any less real that I am expecting, and that I am totally crazy about this baby.

The paper process and the financial aspect of adoption alone can be extremely exhausting and overwhelming, but I mainly wanted to focus on the emotional aspect of it, because that is where it is truly hitting me the most. I don’t want this post to sound like I am playing a little mini violin for myself here, but I do feel like I need to let people know. Please be sensitive to people’s situation. If you haven’t been there, be careful to assume. This isn’t just about adoption, but in life in general.

This isn’t really our story, but it is a small part of what our journey has looked like and felt like. Thank you for reading.

Rachel Woodson

To those of you who have been effected and blessed by adoption, we’d love to hear more! What would you add to Rachel’s list of things not to say? We love the recent campaign to alter the phrase “Given up” for adoption to “Placed.” We spotted a few tees over at Happy Goat Designs that help bring light to this movement – see them here! They also have a bunch of t-shirts and onesies for adopted children, super sweet! We hope this feed will be a good resource for increasing sensitivity in an already tender subject!

Happy Goat Adoption Tees

Hoping to Adopt: Abby and Micah

My husband Micah and I met in January 2002 when we both were working for the same company.  We didn’t realize it at the time, but we had so much in common.  We both attended the same high school, although Micah had graduated years before me.  We grew up nearly 2 miles from each other, and we both attended the same church.  There was an instant connection between us and our friendship began to grow.  Looking back at that point in our lives, it was great that we had the opportunity to become such good friends because that has carried us through the most difficult times in our lives.hoping

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An Adopted Child: Tami

My story is not really exciting, but I love it all the same. Every year on my birthday, my dad, up until he passed away, would tell me the story of how I became his and my mom’s daughter.tami

Adoption was not the same when I was a baby as it is now. My parents already had three boys and twelve years after the last son was born, they decided they really would like to have a little girl join their family. They had looked into adopting another little girl and almost adopted her. Then one morning at 4 a.m. the phone rang. My dad answered it and the voice on the other end said, “We have a little girl here. She is two days old. Do you want to come get her?” My dad said that he knew that the little girl the person on the phone was talking about was the little girl they had been waiting for. He told the voice on the phone that they would love to come get the little girl. My dad told me it was the best phone call he ever received, especially for 4 a.m.! That is how I became a member of my family.

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Hoping to Adopt: Hayley and Nat

First you’ll need to know a little bit about us. Nat is from Haiti and I (Hayley) am from San Diego. We met at a bus stop at BYU Hawaii, fell in love at first sight and got married. We dreamed of having lots of kids and spending our lives helping others. Shortly after graduating we moved to Haiti where we taught and helped people.adoptionweek

One week, for some reason or another we found ourselves vising three different orphanages and seeing the great need there was. After our visits we knew one day, when we were able to afford it, we would for sure adopt.hayley

The very next day we got a call from one of Nat’s sisters. She told us that she could no longer care for her two little boys and she was going to drop them off at an orphanage. We told her not to do that and although unprepared immediately decided to take the boys as our own. When we arrived to pick them up we saw how desperately they lacked care and love. We bonded instantly! Instantly they became as close to us as if they had been born to us. Little did we know that my body would not allow me to get pregnant. We know that Samuel and Joel (our boys) were meant to be our sons!

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A Birth Mother’s Story: Jessica

 Like most young adults I thought I was invincible, it won’t happen to me, it can’t happen to me. I thought these same things about pregnancy.  It doesn’t happen to girls like me. However I soon learned that it can happen to “girls like me” or any girl who is willing to take the risk of having sex and yes, that means protected or not.  I was not the single exception to the rule, and the time had come for me to face the consequences of my actions.adoptionweek

Adoption was always the only option for me.  I was just freshly 20 I didn’t have a job, a place to live, money or a car. Read more