Kristina called the adoption agency that same morning that our other birth mom changed her mind, and she changed our life.
Last friday we were coming home from Atlanta with broken hearts and empty arms. A failed adoption is a special kind of heart-break. Our social workers were trying to convince me to jump right back in and have our profile shown to birth moms right away. I was very hesitant. I wanted to be sad for the lost chance at a baby boy, a son I lost. I wanted to mourn him before I just moved on like nothing happened. Then I got a text from the agency “forgive me for asking this right now, but are you only interested in a boy?”
We had decided when we turned in our paperwork to specifically request a boy because he and Boston would be so close in age. The case worker continued to tell me the story of Kristina. Little did I know that she would be our angel, our birth mother, our answer to prayers, our miracle.
Our daughter’s name is Sam and she went to heaven when she was just 9 months and 6 days old.
I find it hard to even begin telling our story that has lead us up to adoption. We are Laura and Zach Bennett from Lincoln Nebraska. My husband is a 3rd grade teacher and I am also a teacher in a pediatric rehabilitation hospital where I work with children who have sustained some sort of injury in relation to head trauma and or spinal cord injuries. Lots of sad cases that I deal with daily, but I can’t think of a better job. We also run a small business out of our house “Little White House with the Pink Ribbons” named after our daughter.
We are parents to one of the most stunning and bravest individuals that we will ever meet. Her name is Sam and she went to heaven when she was just 9 months and 6 days old. She had big brown eyes and olive colored skin and a smile that would melt anyone’s heart. It’s hard to sum up the amazing but difficult life that she lead but I will give it a shot….
Sam was born perfectly healthy on September 23, 2009. We were beaming with joy when we finally became parents. Our first several weeks with her were full of snuggles, sleepless nights and lots of diapers. When Sam was 7 weeks old her body seemed week as her arms would dangle when we picked her up. After a series of about 50 blood draws into our babies body she was diagnosed with Spinal Muscular Atrophy…. a fatal disease. Rather than becoming stronger, her body grew weaker and weaker. She was missing a gene that ran through her spinal cord to tell her muscles to work. Rather then putting Sam on life saving machines to keep her alive, it was an easy decision for Zach and I to agree to give Sam the best life we could with the short amount of time that we had with her… so we did! We both took extended leaves from work to spend ever last minute we could with our dying daughter. Our prayers were answered when Sam passed away just how we would have liked her to, at home with her in our arms telling her how proud we were of her and just how much love she filled our lives with never ending love. Under the extreme amounts of morphine that we gave to her, I feel that she was comforted enough to understand every word we spoke to her. Since her passing we have raised thousands and thousands of dollars to help needly families out. Our way of keeping Sam’s memory alive.
We had no idea that both Zach and I carry the gene that gave Sam her disease. If we were to have another child on our own they would also most likely die from the same disease; this is why we are choosing to adopt. We would do anything in the world to be able to see our daughter’s eyes through a brother or sister but we feel adoption is the most responsible route to take.
We have been on the adoption waiting list for nearly 2 years and due to the decrease in adoption placements we aren’t having any luck. We continue to wait and hope someday when our phone rings it’s for a placement. We know our lives and hearts would be filled to the brim with joy to bring a child back into our home.
I had to feel my heart break in order to piece it back together. My name is Jacqueline and this is my adoption story.
Before I had my wonderful experience with adoption I would never in a million years have guessed my fate as a birth mother. For the confused, naiive twenty year old college student, my pregnancy was definitely unexpected and at first seemed like the end of my world; in some ways it was. The scared girl I was prior to my pregnancy and the strong, independent woman I blossomed into after seem like two different people. Adoption wound up being one of the most pivotal life lessons to define who my character really is, a character that continues to grow and learn every day.
The day I found out that the reason I was so sick for so long was not some exotic stomach flu and in fact was a nine week old fetus, I knew immediately that the road ahead was filled with tough decisions and running away from them was not an option. Read more
He whispered to me “MiRanda, you’re Zellie’s Mom, she is yours now and so very lucky to have you. Thank you for taking her and loving her. Never forget to tell her how much we love her.”
My Dear sweet Zellie,
I have been working on your journal. I try to write in it often so I will never forget a thing about the moments I am blessed to spend with you. You are two weeks old now. These have been the two most amazing weeks of my life. You are so perfect. So so perfect. In those moments when you wake me in the night, the moment you are in my arms I am overwhelmed at the amount of love I have for you. My heart just swells with gratitude for being able to have you in our life.
Your Dad and I were talking last night as we were getting ready for bed. We both feel the same. You are ours…you were meant to be ours. We know that you just had to come to us through a very special journey, because you are a rare beauty who needed to touch many lives along your way here to your home. You are so special.. You have so many who love you and are better people because you are here. When I hold you I feel so much love radiate from you. I feel very honored you chose us!
You coming to us was a ride. One full of many tears. In the beginning the tears that were shed were out of sadness, heartache and frustration. Now my little special one, the tears that run down our faces constantly as we watch and hold you are ones of pure joy, gratitude and love.
On January 21, 2011 our lives changed forever because you were brought to this earth. Your Dad and I were sleeping peacefully as we dreamed of your soon arrival. We received a call at 5:41am that you were trying to make your early arrival.
Your Dad rushed to his work to pick up a van so we would have room for your grandparents and all our gear. I could hardly think clearly as I set everything we would need by the door ready to be loaded. Every few minutes I would burst into tears. I just couldn’t believe that is was happening and I would get to be your Mom. I was so excited, overjoyed, nervous and happy to meet you.
We tried to entertain ourselves on the the long 12 hour drive, but we failed miserably. We all just couldn’t get you off our minds. At 1:01 pm we received a text with your very first picture announcing you had entered the world at 7 pounds 10 ounces. The four of us shed tears and couldn’t believe how beautiful you were. Your Dad and I couldn’t believe you were here! We were going to be parents. Read more